Breaking News! Jessica Simpson is an Idiot!

Please, try to contain your shock. You may want to lay down for a minute and try to take deep breaths. I know this will be difficult for many people to process, but it is true: Jessica Simpson is an idiot. And a rude one, too.

Last week, Jessica used the phrase “Indian giver” in an interview with TMZ, and all hell broke loose. Now I agree that many people do not understand the meaning behind “Indian giver.” And I forgive people for using it in conversation. I doubt anyone uses the phrase “Indian giver” as an intentional slur against Native Americans.

Those mom jeans are THE WORST

Her use of the phrase is one thing. After all, we’re talking about a woman who was confounded by the fact that the label on her can of tuna said “Chicken of the Sea.” Who once asked Pamela Anderson to clarify a Baywatch question about which she was unclear:

How did you guys run so slowly in the show’s opening scene? You know, where you’re running down the beach?

So the fact that Jessica Simpson used a hurtful, ignorant phrase should come as no surprise. What DOES come as a surprise is that she hasn’t apologized, despite coming under fire from several quarters, including the National Congress of American Indians.

Seriously, how hard would it be to say “I’m sorry”?

Adding insult to injury, Simpson defended her use of the phrase by snapping, “I am Indian, all right?” Which is a baffling attempt to reclaim the phrase “Indian giver,” considering that Jessica Simpson is not, in fact, Native American.

To which I can only golf clap.

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