Madonna – Pop Star, Or Monster Under The Bed?

People, we need to slow it down for a second and talk about a serious issue. What is going on with Madonna’s arms?

Madonna's Scary Gun Show

I saw a picture of Madonna’s freak arms a few weeks ago, but someone said it was “totally Photoshopped,” so I assumed they were right, and I went on with my life. But this, the second picture of freak arms – and from TMZ, which is reasonably good about weeding out the Photoshop fakes – just stopped me in my tracks.

There are so many questions to ask. “Why?” is the first, and has the most obvious answer. Madonna is 51 years old, and makes her living in an industry that glorifies youth and vitality and beauty, so it’s natural to get fit, right? But this… this is not fit. I don’t know what this is. Kylie Minogue (who has followed loosely the same career arc/swoop as Madonna) is fit.

Kylie Minogue, Another 80s Comeback Star, Is Actually Pretty

And HOLY COW did you see Tina Turner pounding out “Proud Mary” with Beyonce at the 2008 Grammys? Tina Turner is INCREDIBLE.

Tina Turner Is Some Kind Of Superhero, I Swear

Tina Turner is fit. Madonna is… something else.

I did some research and found that Madonna published her diet in US Magazine last year. She eats 700 calories a day, and works out twice a day. If that’s not an eating disorder, I don’t know what is! Madonna is on tour now, which means she’s working harder, and probably eating less.

The irony of eating disorders is that superficially, they stem from a desire to be beautiful. And yet, the results are anything but. Is anyone going to be surprised when Madonna drops dead of a heart attack or organ failure? You heard it here first, folks!

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Jigga Man and Woman: Beyonce and Jay Z married!

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – Hip-hop mogul Jay-Z and Beyonce Knowles married on Friday in New York, People magazine reported on its Web site, citing an unidentified friend of the couple.

The report quoted the friend as saying, “It happened earlier this evening. Jay wanted it to be a really private affair — close friends and family.”

Representatives for the couple were unavailable to confirm the report, which added that the ceremony was followed by a party at the rapper’s TriBeCa apartment.

Guests included Beyonce’s mother Tina Knowles, her father and manager Mathew, her sister Solange, Destiny’s Child members Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams, and friend Gwyneth Paltrow, it said.

The report followed widespread speculation that drew swarms of media to the street outside Jay-Z’s penthouse on Friday.

A parade of sport utility vehicles with tinted windows was seen coming and going from the garage late in the afternoon, one of them carrying two people dressed in chef’s uniforms carrying large, square, white boxes on their laps.

And men dressed in tuxedos were spotted on the roof of the building, where a white tent was erected.


People touched off the celebrity wedding watch this week when it reported the couple, who have been dating for several years, had taken out a wedding license in Scarsdale Village, New York, valid for 60 days.

Gossip blogger Perez Hilton fanned the flames when he reported the wedding would take place on Friday, then followed up by posting the address of Jay-Z’s apartment as the location. Continued…

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