Breaking News! Jessica Simpson is an Idiot!

Please, try to contain your shock. You may want to lay down for a minute and try to take deep breaths. I know this will be difficult for many people to process, but it is true: Jessica Simpson is an idiot. And a rude one, too.

Last week, Jessica used the phrase “Indian giver” in an interview with TMZ, and all hell broke loose. Now I agree that many people do not understand the meaning behind “Indian giver.” And I forgive people for using it in conversation. I doubt anyone uses the phrase “Indian giver” as an intentional slur against Native Americans.

Those mom jeans are THE WORST

Her use of the phrase is one thing. After all, we’re talking about a woman who was confounded by the fact that the label on her can of tuna said “Chicken of the Sea.” Who once asked Pamela Anderson to clarify a Baywatch question about which she was unclear:

How did you guys run so slowly in the show’s opening scene? You know, where you’re running down the beach?

So the fact that Jessica Simpson used a hurtful, ignorant phrase should come as no surprise. What DOES come as a surprise is that she hasn’t apologized, despite coming under fire from several quarters, including the National Congress of American Indians.

Seriously, how hard would it be to say “I’m sorry”?

Adding insult to injury, Simpson defended her use of the phrase by snapping, “I am Indian, all right?” Which is a baffling attempt to reclaim the phrase “Indian giver,” considering that Jessica Simpson is not, in fact, Native American.

To which I can only golf clap.

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Lady GaGa Is Broke (Again!)

In an interview with the highly reputable British tabloid The Sun, Lady GaGa confessed that she is “flat broke.” The real surprise? “I’ve gone bankrupt about four times now.”

LadyGaga-PokerFaceFour times! I’m not sure whether to be horrified that being one of the most famous people IN THE WORLD (for the months of May through August, 2009, and then never heard from again) doesn’t ensure some kind of financial security. Or if it cheers me up to think that Famous People are just as bad with money as the rest of us.

Now, we all understand Lady GaGa’s expensive and unique wardrobe needs. Well first of all, clearly she should be shopping at our store, because if she’s going bankrupt on her wardrobe, she’s obviously paying too much!

Second of all, okay, she goes through five dozen costume changes just in the “Poker Face” video alone, not to mention those baffling sunglasses (goggles?) that say “POP MUSIC WILL NEVER BE LOWBROW” in LEDs. And I’m sure her Great Dane rental bills are substantial. But do I have to be the one to point out that all of those clothes and gadgets should be tax deductible as a business expense?

Later this year, Lady GaGa is going out on tour with Kanye West. Let’s hope that they’ll have some free time together, so that Kanye can sit her down and dish out some solid advice. Kanye West is a public advocate of prenuptial agreements, and his famous line “Having money’s not everything. Not having money is” is like a Zen koan of financial advice.

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Baby Born With Second Penis On Back (PHOTO)

The tot was born to farmer dad Li Jun, 30, and his unnamed wife, who live in Hejian city in central China’s Henan province.

But he was rushed to Tianjin Childrens’ Hospital on May 27 for surgery to remove his extra manhood.

The rare condition, the first for Tianjin Childrens’ Hospital, is called fetus in fetu (FIF).

Doctors, who spent over three hours removing the extra penis on June 6, said he was fine following surgery.

I ask you, imagine all men having two penises? You would constantly catch us going and cumming…;-)

Holla Back

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