Madonna – Pop Star, Or Monster Under The Bed?

People, we need to slow it down for a second and talk about a serious issue. What is going on with Madonna’s arms?

Madonna's Scary Gun Show

I saw a picture of Madonna’s freak arms a few weeks ago, but someone said it was “totally Photoshopped,” so I assumed they were right, and I went on with my life. But this, the second picture of freak arms – and from TMZ, which is reasonably good about weeding out the Photoshop fakes – just stopped me in my tracks.

There are so many questions to ask. “Why?” is the first, and has the most obvious answer. Madonna is 51 years old, and makes her living in an industry that glorifies youth and vitality and beauty, so it’s natural to get fit, right? But this… this is not fit. I don’t know what this is. Kylie Minogue (who has followed loosely the same career arc/swoop as Madonna) is fit.

Kylie Minogue, Another 80s Comeback Star, Is Actually Pretty

And HOLY COW did you see Tina Turner pounding out “Proud Mary” with Beyonce at the 2008 Grammys? Tina Turner is INCREDIBLE.

Tina Turner Is Some Kind Of Superhero, I Swear

Tina Turner is fit. Madonna is… something else.

I did some research and found that Madonna published her diet in US Magazine last year. She eats 700 calories a day, and works out twice a day. If that’s not an eating disorder, I don’t know what is! Madonna is on tour now, which means she’s working harder, and probably eating less.

The irony of eating disorders is that superficially, they stem from a desire to be beautiful. And yet, the results are anything but. Is anyone going to be surprised when Madonna drops dead of a heart attack or organ failure? You heard it here first, folks!

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